The kiss of Judas

“Then Jesus said to him, Judas are you betraying the son of man with a kiss? Then Satan entered Judas, called Iscariot, one of the twelve.” Luke 22.

I know what it means to love, and to love deeply and passionately with one person whom you wish to love forever. When we love hard, we fall hard. The word love should not be used lightly. True love hurts, and it should be painful. I understand the feeling of loving someone so much yet at the same time, to live in fear of losing that person. And I understand the feeling of deception and betrayal all too well, when a man who proclaims “I love you,” goes away with no regret and no remorse. Yes I have loved and have been in love. I have loved a man more than my own life. I have loved so deeply and truly that it felt as though my heart could combust. There was too much love there and I didn’t know what to do with it. In this moment of deception and betrayal, I felt the same sinking feeling in my soul that Our Lord must have felt when the false sign of affection from Judas, one of his disciples, was the final and concrete sign to those who awaited the moment to take him away and kill him. Satan entered Judas and he walked away, leaving his Lord alone, at the mercy of those who wished him the worst passion, suffering and death, known to man. Christ’s agony in the garden is an event in history with which we can learn so much. In our obtaining of love and in our loss of love, either way, love hurts. It hurts to love deeply and it hurts to lose that love. It is so much more painful when that person that you loved, either fell out of love with you or turned out to never love you in the first place. The purity of intention and sincerity of heart is so difficult to find in someone! I know this because I have loved and lost and they say that it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. I agree and disagree with this statement. Millions of couples in the world misunderstand the word love. It has nothing to do with one’s physical appearance, their occupation, what they say or do, how much money they have, the physical pleasure they are willing to give, and it is the complete opposite of lust because lust cannot wait to take. Love gives all that it has. And that is what Christ did for us from the cross. When blood and water gushed forth from his side, that was the result of a broken heart due to the love that he had for us. Even doctors and scientists have confirmed that blood and water together, is a result of a broken heart because the heart literally bursts. That my friends, is true love! What an infinite love to wish to die for all mankind, including the ones who don’t love you. I can understand in some very small way the deception and betrayal, the passion and suffering of Christ, because I too have loved those that did not love me and I too was willing to die for someone, who had no sincerity and no true intention. I too, was betrayed with a kiss.

Now after finding what you thought was true love, and swiftly losing is as quickly as it came, to all women who have experienced this and can understand it, where do we go from here? After my personal life incident, I began praying the rosary every day and especially meditating on the sorrowful mysteries in particular. For the agony in the garden, I pictured my suffering and the betrayal I felt in those final words I received and in that final kiss. But I imagined Christ’s suffering and while remembering his drops of blood that sweat from his beloved face, I could see myself kneeling next to him and comforting him in his suffering, as I know he comforts me in mine. This pain I felt was horrendous. It was the shock of my life to love someone for so long and so deeply, only to find I was not loved in return. But I tell you, I would so much rather suffer with God than without God.

It is so easy to stop praying when we lose someone whom we thought we would love forever. It is so easy to give up hope and faith in God, when we do not get what we want. Even Christ in his agony said “Father, if it be your will, let this chalice pass from me.” No one wants to suffer and no one wants to experience the pain and tears and loss of being rejected. But Christ the son of man was rejected by all, and if I can join my suffering to His, then I know the tremendous amount of grace that will come as a result of it. I know because it already has and in the midst of all my tears, I thank God for destroying the things I had planned in my life that surely would have destroyed me. What a merciful God we have that even though He has allowed this suffering and deception, even though he has allowed the devil to embrace his moment of attack, we are not alone. There is so much to the supernatural world that we cannot see or understand but in our trials and tears, we can be certain of the bright future God has in store for us. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

So to the girl with a broken heart, wipe your tears and arise. Arise because you belong to the king and the king of heaven himself looks to you as his precious daughter, his cherished love. Wait for the man that treasures your heart as Christ does and no longer be deceived by the ones that the devil places in your path. Yes Christ has allowed this pain for you for a greater purpose. And that purpose is for it not to happen again. You have survived a suffering that you thought would kill you. Don’t allow an unworthy man to crush your spirit and massacre the beautiful things that God has created in you. Arise my love, and walk with God because he is the only one, that truly understands your suffering. He too was betrayed with a kiss. A sign that should be so tender and given with sincerity, was poisoned with blackness of the heart. We women understand that too. I myself know it all too well. Stand up and put your crown on, for you are the daughter of the king and in his love and mercy, you will suffer no more.

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